First of all, we’re sorry. We’re sorry that although we look like men,
we often act like boys. We’re not even sure what it means to be men
anymore. As we grow up, we learn that to be happy is to be
self-indulgent and self-centered. We try to make enough money so that we
can have the right TV with the right video games in the right home. We
want to date you and maybe even marry you but we are scared to focus on
someone else instead of ourselves. Isn’t it sad that we see committing
to you as a potential threat to our happiness instead of a wonderful
opportunity?Here’s what we don’t understand: True happiness comes from being true
men. We think and act like boys who don’t want their toys taken away. We
look up to “role models” in the media who teach us to get as much
gratification out of life as possible. We may claim to be spiritual, or
even firm atheists, but pleasure is the god that we worship, whether we
realize it or not. Unfortunately, women tend to be just another part of
our hedonistic lifestyle. Please know this: True men won’t treat you
like an irritating obstacle or a sexual convenience.
A real man understands that women are to be cherished and treated with
care and honor. He sees marriage as the opportunity to be a real-life
superhero—he leaves behind his old identity and becomes a new person,
dedicated to serving his wife and children. Although he will struggle at
first, a true man who marries eventually understands that he can’t fit
through the narrow doorway to happiness if he tries to carry all of his
toys with him. There is just enough room for him and his wife, arm in
arm, committed to their marriage.
Women, you can help us become real men! Most importantly, we want to
feel admired by you. Help us to know that you love us just as we are,
even if there is room for improvement. Do this by giving us words of
validation; praise us for the things we do well. This means more to us
than we let on.
In return, we will make sure that you feel loved and cherished by us. We
will learn to talk with you so you can be heard and understood, not so
that we can tell you how to solve your problems. We’ll also try to learn
to express how we feel without withdrawing or getting angry. With
polished communication we can learn that what makes you happy makes us
happy too! What a concept!
Once again, we’re sorry. We are to blame, even though good male role
models are hard to find these days. We’ve ignored our calling to become
true men and instead act like we’re in high school for as long as we
can. Please trust that we are capable of more than this.
If you are frustrated with the man in your life, do your best to forgive
him and start fresh. After a while, if it’s clear that he will not
become a real man, leave him. You deserve better.
A healthy relationship will make everyone involved feel happy. When we
are happy, we are capable of living meaningful and fulfilling lives
alongside one another. Thank you for your understanding and patience as
we journey onward to find happiness and become real men.
Sincerely,
Men
