Nigerian writer, Bolatito Bez-Idakula who lost a child has shared her experience for others in a similar situation to learn from.
Bolatito revealed how she lost her child who was born five years ago and all the things she went through during the period.
She wrote: “Thank you all so much for your kind words. Time is an amazing gift you owe yourself when you are healing. It can’t be rushed and I’m grateful for Time
5 years ago yesterday, Apphiah was born and 5 years ago today, she passed way. I’m sharing 10 things that happened after this loss. Emotions I didn’t expect to feel. .
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- Getting home and feeling lost. You were meant to come back home with a baby and the house is filled with baby things but no baby to use them. And you’ll either want to get rid of them immediately or you’ll just leave it all as it is because you can’t deal with it.
- Planning a funeral. You never expect to have to pick a casket or go to a funeral parlor to make arrangements. And then the guilt when you choose not to go because you just aren’t strong enough. Oh by the way you’ll have a birth and death certificate for this little life.
- Not only do you choose a casket, you have to pay for it. Unplanned expenses will come up. Money you were hoping to spend on the baby goes into the baby’s funeral and a casket.
- Having to explain to people over and over again what happened and also listen to some people tell you “it’ll be okay” and “another one will come”. Even 5 years later, I still have to explain to doctors “what happened”. 5. You will produce breast milk for no one to drink and deal with swollen breasts that will hurt like crazy. Pro tip: get cabbage leaves, put them in the fridge and put them in your bra. It works like magic to stop engorgement.
- Your body. You will hate your body because it carried a child that you can’t see but you still have to deal with the weight loss and the changes your body experienced during the 9 months.
- Your partner: you will realize you are both grieving in different ways and might take out your pain on your partner for being “okay”. They are not okay, they just feel their grief should take a back seat to yours because they didn’t physically carry the baby and they’ll wonder if they have the right to grief
- You will not want to speak to a lot of people but you will also get angry with those who didn’t call or check in”.
