Earlier today, veteran comedian, Ali Baba shared an hilarious massage experience in the hands of an Ijaw man. Read the hilarious piece below:
Ehen oooo! Shebi… That’s how I stupidly agreed to follow my cousin to
get a massage from an Ijaw man today. All my friends advised me against
it. But hey! After all, My own cousin can’t wish me bad! Was I wrong?!!!
This wicked Ijaw man started by putting one boiling pot of life on my
stomach for 15mins… All the salad inside me from breakfast DONE! Then
he made me sit on another pot…
That one heated me from under, I felt like someone waiting for his
election result. After some people will say they don’t know what is
destroying the ozone layer. If 9ice tries it, he will become Alapokan!
Then the massage… See, That man is a winch. Nothing else. He massaged
me with all the power he could muster. He must have retired as a
washaman from an army barracks.
To make matters worse, he was trying to put elbows where God did not. He
bent my hands sooooo backward I nearly confessed I collected subsidies.
He was not done. The monster now put his knee to the back of my neck
and (applied the kind of pressure Igbo traders use to reduce 3 suitcases
into one) then traced my spinal cord from my neck to my waist. And he
had the guts to ask why I farted. If he sees me in that run down pigsty
he calls clinic, he should call me monkey. Old bagga! PMB Cancel Amnesty
NOW! As for my cousin, him own done set! I will do my own back.
When we left the place, to walk to the car, the sun was up… 11:36am.
Everyone else had a shadow. Except me. My shadow had left me during that
massage. I finally asked myself, who send me? PS: To everyone who finds
this note funny… May God arrange your own in double portion. Nothing
wey UNA no dey call joke. Winchzards! And to @frankedoho who just sat
there and was just laughing… You are not a friend”
