Written by Ese Grage, she blogs at Grage’s spot. Enjoy….
BET Network, ‘The Wendy Williams Show’….. *how you doing (complete with
the lip action for all my sisters who watch the show too, #wink) and she
was dishing about the recent secrete nuptials between Ryan Reynolds and
Blake Lively! Now Ryan is in his mid 30′s bordering on late, while
Blake is 25 and my darling Wendy’s opinion is that 25 is still TOO young
to get married! (Insert ‘BB surprise face’ here) As soon as she said
this, I could feel my whole body reacting to that statement as for half a
minute I began to yell obscene words to my television (in my head of
course) Later on that night, I began to think, really think about what
may have informed that idea and alas, here is a blog on my thoughts.
You see, first off Wendy and I come from two VERY different worlds
and I say worlds because an American ‘breed’ is as different from an
African ‘breed’ as water is different from oil! I mean, everything is
different! Their way of life, culture, habits, environment, climate,
beliefs and best of all, she is not just an American breed, she comes
from the very exclusive sect called Hollywood where a 5 year marriage is
considered a Life time. So yes, I do understand her when she says 25 is
too young to be settling down! It is the year 2012, women are liberated
and running for public offices, they are fitting right into the mold
that was initially created for the man alone and have successfully
become the Man’s equal and not his subordinate.
Well, while I am all for girl power, I am also an African woman and
will not be mislead by the ramblings of a T.V host who preaches divorce
at the slightest
provocation. Now you see, a large number of Nigerian men are looking to
get hitched to young shapely ‘girls’ (women). The younger the better
they say and this theory does not only apply to marriage and
relationships, it applies even more to the labor market where potential
employers are sieving through the sea of unemployed graduates by asking
for 26 year olds and below but that is gist for another blog….. Back to the issue at hand!!!
Before
you bite my head off, let me explain what I mean when I say ‘girl’. The
average Nigerian girl is finishing school at 22, what with the high
patronage of private universities and their very stable educational
system. I bagged my first degree at a private university and I had
course mates that finished at 20, which means they probably got
admission into college at 16. So you see? The ladies are getting
gainfully employed at 22 and by 25; they already have about three years
working experience. By this time, her parents have begun to mount
pressure on her. The mothers that are Christians begin to abandon their
regular churches for more ‘fire catching’ ones like MFM or RCCG and the
likes! They begin to fast and pray over their 25 year old like she has
been diagnosed with some kind of incurable disease, her only offense
being that she is still in her father’s house heck i know a 25 year old
dude who is getting married in a couple of weeks and is pretty comfy
too.
And yes, back to the men and their wants….. Have you ever dated a guy
and then broke up and found out that your ‘replacement’ was younger
than you? #If I had a coin for every time a single girl complained about
this… yup, we see it happen all the time and yes, it does annoy us.
My point is simple! I do not think 25 is too young for a girl to
settle down, not in a country like Nigeria anyway. In fact, the average
Nigerian girl has been taught way before her teenage years how to
‘satisfy’ a man… (If only our mothers knew that our men rarely ever
think of their tummies where the word ‘satisfy’ is concerned #wink) Our
mothers, God bless their souls have made it so that we feel the need to
bear a man’s name the moment we have earned a first degree and though
this idea may be myopic in its entirety, it is what it is. When a lady
reaches her mid 30s and has not ‘settled down’, there is the likelihood
that even the older men that come for her have it at the back of their
minds that there must be something wrong with her. Are you upset with
the men who think this way? Don’t be! It is the society in which we live
in and I say ‘When in Rome, act like the Romans.’
I do know some ladies however who have sworn not to tie the knot
until they are financially secure to a certain extent and I support
that, but I also believe if your man is good and ready for you and you
are ‘only’ 25 and mentally ready to love another human being
unconditionally, then by all means honey, walk down that aisle. But if
you are one of those women who would like to conquer the world before
letting a man conquer you #wink, then feel free but never let anyone
decide on your behalf when you are ready to settle down or not! When you
are ready, you will know!
