An interesting feature in the punch has just revealed why it has become a trend today, for young ladies to marry men who are old enough to be their father.
Enjoy the long but interesting piece below:
The Ighalos and the Olawales are
neighbours, and have also been good family friends for the better part
of the last five years. But interestingly, their first meeting didn’t go
as well as their current relationship suggests.
When the Ighalos newly relocated to their
Surulere residence from Ikeja, both in Lagos in 2009, the Olawales were
the first family to welcome them to the neighbourhood. The age
difference between Niyi Olawale and his wife, Olanike, is wide apart and
so, they were offended by the new neighbours’ remarks on hearing that
they were not father and daughter. Olawale was 60 while Olanike was 33.
Surulere residence from Ikeja, both in Lagos in 2009, the Olawales were
the first family to welcome them to the neighbourhood. The age
difference between Niyi Olawale and his wife, Olanike, is wide apart and
so, they were offended by the new neighbours’ remarks on hearing that
they were not father and daughter. Olawale was 60 while Olanike was 33.
“It was a first for us to see a couple
with so much age difference. Although we didn’t know their ages as of
the time, it was glaring that the man was much older than the woman. It
was later after we had become friends that they told us how they felt
insulted by the way we reacted to the information.
with so much age difference. Although we didn’t know their ages as of
the time, it was glaring that the man was much older than the woman. It
was later after we had become friends that they told us how they felt
insulted by the way we reacted to the information.
“Honestly, my husband and I thought the
man was the woman’s father and that they were teasing us, so we freely
joked about it. I think they got annoyed because as they tried to
explain to us that they were a couple, we kept insisting that it
couldn’t be. We were like ‘how could he (Mr. Olawale) be married to a
woman that young?’
man was the woman’s father and that they were teasing us, so we freely
joked about it. I think they got annoyed because as they tried to
explain to us that they were a couple, we kept insisting that it
couldn’t be. We were like ‘how could he (Mr. Olawale) be married to a
woman that young?’
“I think my husband also joked about
being the first person who would volunteer to call the police if he knew
that Mr. Olawale was having sexual relations with his daughter,” said
Victoria Ighalo, who is three years younger than her husband.
being the first person who would volunteer to call the police if he knew
that Mr. Olawale was having sexual relations with his daughter,” said
Victoria Ighalo, who is three years younger than her husband.
Love is in the heart, they say, and if
it’s true that it is also blind, then looks, educational qualifications,
fat bank accounts and certainly age should not matter. Such idioms are
quite popular but the society is still amused by relationships and
unions such as that of the Olawales.
it’s true that it is also blind, then looks, educational qualifications,
fat bank accounts and certainly age should not matter. Such idioms are
quite popular but the society is still amused by relationships and
unions such as that of the Olawales.
Some people still believe that such
relationships exist only because of their financial rewards and so are
hardly willing to accept claims by such couples of being hit in the
heart by the cupid’s arrow. The young partners in such marriages are
usually branded gold diggers and the fact that the older partners are
usually very rich does help arguments that such unions have anything to
do with love.
relationships exist only because of their financial rewards and so are
hardly willing to accept claims by such couples of being hit in the
heart by the cupid’s arrow. The young partners in such marriages are
usually branded gold diggers and the fact that the older partners are
usually very rich does help arguments that such unions have anything to
do with love.
In spite of this general perception, many
of such couples don’t care if people snigger at their backs. To them,
they are in love, married and ready to live their lives together, even
with the chances that the old man or woman, depending on the situation,
could die soon. One of such persons is Olanike.
of such couples don’t care if people snigger at their backs. To them,
they are in love, married and ready to live their lives together, even
with the chances that the old man or woman, depending on the situation,
could die soon. One of such persons is Olanike.
After being introduced to our correspondent by the Ighalos, Olanike agreed to share her experience with Saturday PUNCH, but with her husband’s permission. Olawale, though, declined to offer any comments.
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The Olawales have been married for about
eight years. Olawale was a rich widower when he met Olanike, but she
insists that her attraction was based on pure unadulterated love for
him.
eight years. Olawale was a rich widower when he met Olanike, but she
insists that her attraction was based on pure unadulterated love for
him.
“He had lost his wife when we met but I
didn’t marry him for money; people can say whatever they like. It is not
everyone who marries old men that do it for the money, sometimes, it is
because they have genuine love for each other,” Olanike said with a
measure of conviction.
didn’t marry him for money; people can say whatever they like. It is not
everyone who marries old men that do it for the money, sometimes, it is
because they have genuine love for each other,” Olanike said with a
measure of conviction.
“I love my husband because he’s caring,
mature and responsible. I like the way he pampers and gives me
attention. People often think that marrying someone much older than you
means there will be no sex, but that is a lie.”
mature and responsible. I like the way he pampers and gives me
attention. People often think that marrying someone much older than you
means there will be no sex, but that is a lie.”
The secret
Olanike attributed the secret behind the success of her marriage to a much older Olawale to moderation.
“We have sex but the secret is not to
overdo it,” she said with a coy smile. “My husband is not into frequent
sex which is okay by me because I don’t want someone who will want to
have sex everyday, in the first instance. If it will happen once in a
week or two weeks, he makes it count.”
overdo it,” she said with a coy smile. “My husband is not into frequent
sex which is okay by me because I don’t want someone who will want to
have sex everyday, in the first instance. If it will happen once in a
week or two weeks, he makes it count.”
Asked if she’s not bothered by her
husband’s wrinkly skin, Olanike asked “what wrinkly skin? I don’t see
all that because I love him.”
husband’s wrinkly skin, Olanike asked “what wrinkly skin? I don’t see
all that because I love him.”
As Olanike shared her story on the
balcony of their posh duplex, her two children who she had with Olawale,
played a chasing game, screaming, shouting and catching their mother’s
occasional watchful glances.
balcony of their posh duplex, her two children who she had with Olawale,
played a chasing game, screaming, shouting and catching their mother’s
occasional watchful glances.
The children’s joyfulness intermittently
brought smiles to Olanike’s face, but a question asked by our
correspondent seemed to briefly change that mood, wiping the smile off
her pretty face.
brought smiles to Olanike’s face, but a question asked by our
correspondent seemed to briefly change that mood, wiping the smile off
her pretty face.
Our correspondent asked if it had
occurred to her that she and her children could lose Olawale someday,
sooner than they expected.
occurred to her that she and her children could lose Olawale someday,
sooner than they expected.
With a solemn look suggesting
understanding and contemplation, Olanike admitted that such thoughts had
crossed her mind but that she tried not to dwell on them.
understanding and contemplation, Olanike admitted that such thoughts had
crossed her mind but that she tried not to dwell on them.
“I try not to think about it but it’s
inevitable for all of us someday. That was the major reason why my
mother was against my marriage initially, but after she realised that my
mind was made up and that I was happy with him, she let go,” she
explained.
inevitable for all of us someday. That was the major reason why my
mother was against my marriage initially, but after she realised that my
mind was made up and that I was happy with him, she let go,” she
explained.
But it is not in all cases that you find
the man being the old one taking a beautiful and youthful woman as
partner, there are instances where women are much older than their
spouses, although rarely found in Nigeria.
the man being the old one taking a beautiful and youthful woman as
partner, there are instances where women are much older than their
spouses, although rarely found in Nigeria.
But in all, there seems to be diverse
reasons for age-gap relationships and marriages. Findings show that the
older party is usually attracted by the youthfulness and vigour of his
or her younger partner. But findings also show that the attractions some
youths have for much older persons range from financial stability,
years of established careers, power and fame, to claims of genuine love
and that old partners are more caring, mature, disciplined,
knowledgeable, experienced, sexually skilled and indulgent.
reasons for age-gap relationships and marriages. Findings show that the
older party is usually attracted by the youthfulness and vigour of his
or her younger partner. But findings also show that the attractions some
youths have for much older persons range from financial stability,
years of established careers, power and fame, to claims of genuine love
and that old partners are more caring, mature, disciplined,
knowledgeable, experienced, sexually skilled and indulgent.
For example, a young unmarried woman,
Stephanie, dating a 55-year-old man told our correspondent that she
would consider marrying him if he proposed to her.
Stephanie, dating a 55-year-old man told our correspondent that she
would consider marrying him if he proposed to her.
Stephanie, 21, said she is attracted to her man friend’s intelligence and wealth.
“Olorunsogo ni mo wa, mi o si ni surulere (I
don’t have time for patience; I prefer to go for what is already on
ground). He takes care of my needs, what more can a woman ask for?” she
asked our correspondent, feigning seriousness.
don’t have time for patience; I prefer to go for what is already on
ground). He takes care of my needs, what more can a woman ask for?” she
asked our correspondent, feigning seriousness.
“In turn, I keep him happy in bed and he
has no reason to complain because I give him what no one else gives him.
I tend to his needs in bed and treat him like a king.”
has no reason to complain because I give him what no one else gives him.
I tend to his needs in bed and treat him like a king.”
The beauty and the rich
There have been a few high profile marriages between beautiful young women and rich and powerful old men.
One of the most prominent of such
marriages is that of billionaire businessman, Chief Rasaq Okoya, 74, and
Shade, 36. In 2002 when the couple got married, Okoya was 62 years old
while Shade was just 24.
marriages is that of billionaire businessman, Chief Rasaq Okoya, 74, and
Shade, 36. In 2002 when the couple got married, Okoya was 62 years old
while Shade was just 24.
Early this year, the couple renewed their wedding vows at their grand residence in Lagos.
“He is a loving man, he’s a very generous
person, he’s loyal, he’s polite, he’s a very disciplined man, he is a
nice person, very humble and loving husband. He is different from what
he is known to be, everybody knows him to be a business man, an
entrepreneur, but in the house he’s a very loving person. I have learnt
his generosity and hard work,” she said while extolling her husband’s
virtues.
person, he’s loyal, he’s polite, he’s a very disciplined man, he is a
nice person, very humble and loving husband. He is different from what
he is known to be, everybody knows him to be a business man, an
entrepreneur, but in the house he’s a very loving person. I have learnt
his generosity and hard work,” she said while extolling her husband’s
virtues.
Also in a recent interview, Shade said she doesn’t keep artificial fingernails because Okoya likes his food in varieties.
“I must enter the kitchen everyday. I
make sure he is well taken care of. My husband likes varieties so I
don’t just cook one food. He takes them in bits. This is one of the
reasons you will never see me with artificial nails,” she said. Shade is
the Managing Director of Eleganza Fashion Products Limited.
make sure he is well taken care of. My husband likes varieties so I
don’t just cook one food. He takes them in bits. This is one of the
reasons you will never see me with artificial nails,” she said. Shade is
the Managing Director of Eleganza Fashion Products Limited.
Last year, 72-year-old Nigerian
businessman, Chief Emmanuel Iwuanyanwu, married 26-year-old Frances
Enwerem after losing his wife of 40 years, Eudora, to cancer.
businessman, Chief Emmanuel Iwuanyanwu, married 26-year-old Frances
Enwerem after losing his wife of 40 years, Eudora, to cancer.
Iwuanyanwu is 46 years older than his
wife, but the age difference notwithstanding, the couple had a lavish
wedding and both have been living happily after, (at least so it seems).
wife, but the age difference notwithstanding, the couple had a lavish
wedding and both have been living happily after, (at least so it seems).
An ex-beauty queen, Susan Hart, who is
wedded to a renowned medical director who co-owns the popular Eko
Hospital, Olorogun Sunny Kuku, in spite of a huge age gap, recently gave
an insight into what some young women like herself like to see in old
men.
wedded to a renowned medical director who co-owns the popular Eko
Hospital, Olorogun Sunny Kuku, in spite of a huge age gap, recently gave
an insight into what some young women like herself like to see in old
men.
To her, the age difference is not an
issue in her marriage. “We are best of friends. My husband’s humility
and humbleness also makes us best friends,” she further explained,
describing the age gap as “nothing.”
issue in her marriage. “We are best of friends. My husband’s humility
and humbleness also makes us best friends,” she further explained,
describing the age gap as “nothing.”
“Where I come from in Port-Harcourt
(Rivers State), husbands are treated as kings. It’s the woman that makes
it work and this is why it’s so hard for people to know how long we
have been married.
(Rivers State), husbands are treated as kings. It’s the woman that makes
it work and this is why it’s so hard for people to know how long we
have been married.
“I accord him a lot of respect so he
won’t see himself missing anything when he gets outside. It’s the woman
who makes the marriage work. We have been married for a couple of years
now and I am still enjoying it like yesterday and he makes me really
happy. I have a son for him who is over 10 years old.”
won’t see himself missing anything when he gets outside. It’s the woman
who makes the marriage work. We have been married for a couple of years
now and I am still enjoying it like yesterday and he makes me really
happy. I have a son for him who is over 10 years old.”
Olorogun Kuku, who is an Ijebu chief, also shared his side of the story, also describing his wife as his friend.
“I don’t want to tell you how I met my
beautiful wife but I can tell you that she is my friend. She is the best
thing to have happened to me. As far as I am concerned, our meeting is
divine. I don’t have to think about what to wear again. She does all the
designs which come out nice just the way I want them.”
beautiful wife but I can tell you that she is my friend. She is the best
thing to have happened to me. As far as I am concerned, our meeting is
divine. I don’t have to think about what to wear again. She does all the
designs which come out nice just the way I want them.”
Just recently, a former Miss Nigeria UK,
Dabota Lawson, 26, confirmed her engagement to billionaire businessman,
Sunny Aku, who is in his fifties.
Dabota Lawson, 26, confirmed her engagement to billionaire businessman,
Sunny Aku, who is in his fifties.
Reports have it that Aku has been
spoiling Lawson with expensive gifts and that their affection for each
other has continued to blossom.
spoiling Lawson with expensive gifts and that their affection for each
other has continued to blossom.
Just recently, Dabota tweeted a picture
of a report on Aku in a national daily and its link, adding “At work and
just saw this. So proud of my hubby… .”
of a report on Aku in a national daily and its link, adding “At work and
just saw this. So proud of my hubby… .”
After some public bashing, ex-Miss Osun
State, Banke Oyelami, 24, came out to defend her marriage to 48-year-old
Hon. Rotimi Makinde, last year.
State, Banke Oyelami, 24, came out to defend her marriage to 48-year-old
Hon. Rotimi Makinde, last year.
“It’s not about what he can give me, though meeting him has changed my life,” she admitted.
“He’s very intelligent, creative and
hardworking. And he’s a good person, to me, his children and everybody
around him. He wants the best for me. When he proposed to me, I told him
I was still in the university and he agreed to wait for me to finish
and he has been very patient and supportive of my education.
hardworking. And he’s a good person, to me, his children and everybody
around him. He wants the best for me. When he proposed to me, I told him
I was still in the university and he agreed to wait for me to finish
and he has been very patient and supportive of my education.
“People have been saying all sorts since
we announced our engagement but I am not bothered by the talk. I met a
good man who loves me and it feels good because I have everything in
him, a father, brother and friend. I feel secured because he’s very
mature and caring and I am looking forward to our life together.”
we announced our engagement but I am not bothered by the talk. I met a
good man who loves me and it feels good because I have everything in
him, a father, brother and friend. I feel secured because he’s very
mature and caring and I am looking forward to our life together.”
Another ex-beauty queen, Ene Lawani, who
was in a relationship with a much older John Obayuwana for seven years
before they broke up, told journalists that she had a thing for dating
old men.
was in a relationship with a much older John Obayuwana for seven years
before they broke up, told journalists that she had a thing for dating
old men.
Asked why she preferred old men, she
said, “let’s just say that I understand the older ones better and they
understand me better than the younger ones.
said, “let’s just say that I understand the older ones better and they
understand me better than the younger ones.
“No, I can make my money myself. It has
nothing to do with their money. I learn a whole lot from them; I like to
hang out with people I benefit from intellectually. Most importantly, I
learn a lot from their experiences.”
nothing to do with their money. I learn a whole lot from them; I like to
hang out with people I benefit from intellectually. Most importantly, I
learn a lot from their experiences.”
Recently, the Alaafin of Oyo, Oba Lamidi
Adeyemi, who is over 70 years old, caused a media buzz when pictures of
him and his four young wives trended on the social media. Adeyemi and
his young wives were on vacation in London, UK.
Adeyemi, who is over 70 years old, caused a media buzz when pictures of
him and his four young wives trended on the social media. Adeyemi and
his young wives were on vacation in London, UK.
In an interview with Saturday PUNCH earlier
this year, 78-year-old Kessington Adebutu, spoke about his love for
women. Incidentally, Adebutu’s youngest wife, Kofo, had given birth to a
set of twins some months earlier after eight of marriage to the wealthy
philanthropist.
this year, 78-year-old Kessington Adebutu, spoke about his love for
women. Incidentally, Adebutu’s youngest wife, Kofo, had given birth to a
set of twins some months earlier after eight of marriage to the wealthy
philanthropist.
However, Adebutu, who said he had no
regrets being a polygamist, did not rule out marrying another wife. He
said he enjoyed the company of women.
regrets being a polygamist, did not rule out marrying another wife. He
said he enjoyed the company of women.
“Do you really believe she is the last
wife? Anyway, she is the last wife for now. Nobody knows what will
happen. My father had his last wife when he was 80. She is my last wife
at the moment,” Adebutu said, while speaking about his youngest wife.
wife? Anyway, she is the last wife for now. Nobody knows what will
happen. My father had his last wife when he was 80. She is my last wife
at the moment,” Adebutu said, while speaking about his youngest wife.
“I am very weak when it comes to women.
If I see a woman I like, I make sure I take her as a wife. I don’t waste
time at all. I don’t like to play games. If I like a woman, I talk to
her and eventually, I take her as my wife. That is why I have so many
wives.”
If I see a woman I like, I make sure I take her as a wife. I don’t waste
time at all. I don’t like to play games. If I like a woman, I talk to
her and eventually, I take her as my wife. That is why I have so many
wives.”
Bitter experience
All the men and women so far mentioned seem to have had it good with their relationships, but findings by Saturday PUNCH show that some age-gap couples have had sad tales to tell.
For instance, in 2012, Eucharia Azunobi,
38, got married to Maswell Adindu, 77, who was based in Oxford, England.
Adindu’s 20-year-old marriage to Tracy, a Briton, had ended two years
before and his kinsmen were worried because Tracy did not bear him a
son.
38, got married to Maswell Adindu, 77, who was based in Oxford, England.
Adindu’s 20-year-old marriage to Tracy, a Briton, had ended two years
before and his kinsmen were worried because Tracy did not bear him a
son.
The divorce had set Adindu back
financially as his property were split in halves, with Tracy taking a
share. So enter Azunobi, who was introduced to Adindu by his concerned
brothers during a visit to Nigeria.
financially as his property were split in halves, with Tracy taking a
share. So enter Azunobi, who was introduced to Adindu by his concerned
brothers during a visit to Nigeria.
After a quiet wedding ceremony, Adindu arranged for Azunobi to join him in the UK. Adindu’s niece, Ngozi, told Saturday PUNCH that the marriage ruined her uncle.
“We later knew that she readily agreed to
marry my uncle because she was pregnant at the time and the man
responsible for the pregnancy was not willing to accept it. After the
woman moved to the UK, it was war,” she told our correspondent.
marry my uncle because she was pregnant at the time and the man
responsible for the pregnancy was not willing to accept it. After the
woman moved to the UK, it was war,” she told our correspondent.
“She had many boyfriends. She would hit
herself, give herself bruises and then call the cops, claiming that my
uncle was responsible. Meanwhile, the man’s health was failing. Years
later, they got a divorce and his property was shared again between
them. His house in Oxford was sold and half of the proceeds went to the
woman.”
herself, give herself bruises and then call the cops, claiming that my
uncle was responsible. Meanwhile, the man’s health was failing. Years
later, they got a divorce and his property was shared again between
them. His house in Oxford was sold and half of the proceeds went to the
woman.”
But that’s not all. Adindu remarried. This time, to another much younger woman.
“The woman had a child for him too. She
got pregnant while they were married but the story was similar to his
experience with Azunobi. I think the reason she got married to him was
because she felt she wasn’t getting younger and young suitors were not
forthcoming. She already had a child for another man and the stigma was
hanging over her head,” she said.
got pregnant while they were married but the story was similar to his
experience with Azunobi. I think the reason she got married to him was
because she felt she wasn’t getting younger and young suitors were not
forthcoming. She already had a child for another man and the stigma was
hanging over her head,” she said.
According to Ngozi, it’s common in some
parts of Imo State, where she comes from, for young girls with unwanted
pregnancies to marry old men.
parts of Imo State, where she comes from, for young girls with unwanted
pregnancies to marry old men.
“Apart from that, it is also believed by
some people that old men show more care and would be a father figure to
them,” she added.
some people that old men show more care and would be a father figure to
them,” she added.
More lies, less love
A marriage counsellor, Funmi Akingbade,
said unions between partners with huge age difference are usually
strained and often made up of “70 per cent lies and 30 per cent love.”
She attributed one of the reasons why youths go into such relationships
to value degradation.
said unions between partners with huge age difference are usually
strained and often made up of “70 per cent lies and 30 per cent love.”
She attributed one of the reasons why youths go into such relationships
to value degradation.
“The union will experience strain if the
older one falls ill or dies, or it could be due to betrayal. It could
also have sexual challenges because of the age difference. There could
be problems of infidelity and lack of trust,” she said.
older one falls ill or dies, or it could be due to betrayal. It could
also have sexual challenges because of the age difference. There could
be problems of infidelity and lack of trust,” she said.
“People have different and weird reasons
for being attracted to old persons, either man or woman. It could be
because of money, greed and loss of fundamental human and societal
values. But sometimes, the old partners are actually good in bed. So
they can make it work if they are truly in love.”
for being attracted to old persons, either man or woman. It could be
because of money, greed and loss of fundamental human and societal
values. But sometimes, the old partners are actually good in bed. So
they can make it work if they are truly in love.”
A sociologist, Michael Asibogwu,
attributed part of the reasons for age-gap marriages to greed. He,
however, added that such unions do not necessarily have negative impacts
on the society.
attributed part of the reasons for age-gap marriages to greed. He,
however, added that such unions do not necessarily have negative impacts
on the society.
He said, “It’s about their lifestyles and
happiness, although, the society views the young partners in such
marriages as gold diggers. For instance, a 20-year-old man marrying a
woman above 50 years will raise eyebrows. So it could be because of
greed.
happiness, although, the society views the young partners in such
marriages as gold diggers. For instance, a 20-year-old man marrying a
woman above 50 years will raise eyebrows. So it could be because of
greed.
“But again, the issue deals with emotions
and people will not really know what such people see in each other. The
young women tend to take care of their old partners in their old age,
for instance, but it’s a personal issue.”
and people will not really know what such people see in each other. The
young women tend to take care of their old partners in their old age,
for instance, but it’s a personal issue.”
But in the view of a medical doctor with
the Lagos State University Teaching Hospital, Ikeja, Dr. Gbenga
Durojaiye, such unions come with a few risks, medically.
the Lagos State University Teaching Hospital, Ikeja, Dr. Gbenga
Durojaiye, such unions come with a few risks, medically.
He said that an old man marrying a much
younger woman stands a risk of having heart attack if he’s diabetic
while on the other hand, children born to old women stand the risk of
having chromosomal problems.
younger woman stands a risk of having heart attack if he’s diabetic
while on the other hand, children born to old women stand the risk of
having chromosomal problems.
“Old men in such relationships stand the
risk of having heart attack, especially if they are diabetic or on
anti-hypertensive medication. If the man is diabetic, the young wife may
not be satisfied during sex and it may lead to strains in the marriage.
The union may suffer and it may cause depression for the man. There may
also be problems with fertility,” he said.
risk of having heart attack, especially if they are diabetic or on
anti-hypertensive medication. If the man is diabetic, the young wife may
not be satisfied during sex and it may lead to strains in the marriage.
The union may suffer and it may cause depression for the man. There may
also be problems with fertility,” he said.
“For the woman,” he continued, “The best
reproductive age is between 18 and 25 years, so the children stand a
risk of having chromosomal problems such as Down’s syndrome when they
are being given birth to at age 40 and above.
reproductive age is between 18 and 25 years, so the children stand a
risk of having chromosomal problems such as Down’s syndrome when they
are being given birth to at age 40 and above.
“A woman getting pregnant for the first
time at age 35 and above could have obstetrics problems or
complications, which could lead to still birth.”
time at age 35 and above could have obstetrics problems or
complications, which could lead to still birth.”
