Popular S*x Therapist, Tola Ajayi, tells why couples should watch blue films regularly

While speaking in an exclusive interview with Daily Sun at her
Ikoyi office in Lagos, Nigerian s*x, fertility and relationship
counselor, Tola Ajayi, who is the wife of Dr. Abayomi Ajayi of Nordica
Fertility Centre, gave an insight on what a s*x therapist does, recipes
for good sexual life and lots more.

Below are excerpts from the chat:

S*x therapy has always been something I have been doing even
without training. For a long time, I talked to people a lot about
relationships, sex and fertility. The s*x thing came up, because when
you counsel people on fertility there’s no way sex would not come up. I
started the training about 7 or 8 years ago on and off and went for some
training at Budapest in Europe last year. Also, I was trained in
different aspects of counseling and that’s what I’ve been doing for some
years now.

When you explore, when you try to look for reasons why a couple is
not enjoying s*x with each other, it will help the therapist to know how
to go about it. Positioning is part of it. We just have a stereotype of
how sex should be between couples especially as Nigerian men are not so
romantic.

They just want to have sex because they are moved by what they see.
That’s why you may see a man standing behind a woman and having an
erection, even though he has not met the woman before. It’s not so with
the woman. Positioning is telling them how to spice-up their sex life
such that it’s not always just about the missionary position. A couple
can try other positions comfortable for both. You can do it in the
kitchen if you like and it will be interesting. Husband and wife should
tell each other, “I want you to touch me here” as we all have fantasies
but we seldom express them. That’s why men go out to have girlfriends
who are ready to give them “what they want” and the man will come home,
just chop and clean mouth.

Some women are terrible too. I’m a woman also. Your husband may say
“let us do it in the kitchen” and they’ll say “God forbid, you are a
sinner” just because he wants it in the kitchen. The man will go out and
do it in the bathroom of somebody else and if the woman out there has
her own separate kitchen, he will do it there. Do it anywhere, anyhow as
long as it’s convenient for both of you. It doesn’t have to be on the
bed, it can be on the floor, anywhere. You can tell your husband maybe
during his lunchtime there’s something you want to show him and you are
there naked and you do a quickie before he goes back to work. That’s how
it’s supposed to be.

I tell you, a large percentage of men want this but they can’t say
it to their wives because of the way she would react. They’d rather do
it with the other woman who does not have anything to lose. If the woman
at home were able to do that, the man probably would not go out. Some
men’s spouses may even be more attractive than the other woman, but that
means little to them if they can’t satiate their fantasies with their
spouses.

I have a lot but they have different challenges. Among them is a
couple who has had about 16 IVF treatments both locally and abroad and
after the 16th attempt the woman now has a set of twins. After the first
set of twins, within a year, she did another treatment and had a second
set of twins but the 16 attempts were not done in Nordica alone. She
had four with us. You look at her situation and exclaim oh, this is God
at work. When I look at the babies, I could recognize them and remember
what happened.

For instance, a husband came in and was unable to produce semen on
the day of treatment and that can kill anybody. Not that he had the
challenge of erectile issues but he just went into the semen room and
was unable to produce semen for treatment. It became a big issue. I told
the man, why don’t you drink stout, maybe you will have some kind of
energy.

The woman said “No my husband doesn’t drink stout”. I told her that
it’s not about drinking and the man went out, took a bottle of stout
and he came back. He went into the semen room and came back and knocked
at my door and he just did thumbs up to me. The wife got pregnant and
had a son. There was a third man too who couldn’t have an erection. I
told him we have films he could watch and the wife said “film”? No he
can’t do that”. I reiterated just leave that one, go and watch a film
and they did….

Blue films. The man watched them with his wife and they were able to produce triplets. There are lots of memories.

Yes, especially when the man cannot have erection. He needs
something to stimulate him. Most times, it’s not as if they have
problems with erection at home but because of the anxiety of having to
produce in the clinic on treatment day even for a test.

Where is it written in the bible? One thing I have come to realize
is they over-spiritualize things. I don’t recommend going to a cinema to
watch porn; these things are private and you can watch it in the
comfort of your bedroom with your spouse. I just told you about a couple
that were unable to produce and they did just that. Why did the man
have an erection watching a porno? Whatever you have to do with your
husband or your wife to make your home pleasant go ahead and do it.
Watch pornography, it’s not sinful. Just make sure you keep them away
from the children though. If your husband is aroused by a blowjob, do
it.

Click here to read the full interview on Daily Sun.