Written by Chike Ofili
Anyone who knows me knows that I have a love-war relationship
with weddings. After all it is the happiest day of a couples life, a day
where everyone can get together in smiling faces and their best Aso
Ebi’s (that they will probably never wear again), a day where the pastor
will bless the wedding and give stories of why the couple should stay
together, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, till death
do us part!
And here in lies my issue with weddings. They give…in fact everybody
gives the image of the permanency of marriage, that divorce is a sin,
that you should do all you can do to stay in your marriage, that there
is no reason on the face of the earth why you should leave your man or
woman, except death separates you.
And sometimes death does occur. It might not be the physical death,
but most of the times it is emotional death. Psychological death.
Situations where a husband (mostly) turns his wife into a punching
bag…but she does not leave, because of the vow…that vow. The better or
for worse vow, then he beats her till she is almost sick, but she does
not leave, because of the in sickness and in health vow, then he
brutalizes her, almost defaces her, scars and in some cases kills her,
and that is when she eventually leaves, till death to us part. But by
then it is too late…
You see women; have been brought up to believe the permanency of
marriage. And for the most part, especially in my country, they live out
their wedding vows.
But what if we change the wedding vows? What if the Pastor changes
his or her message? What if the pastor speaks the truth and lets the
woman know that there are indeed times…times when she has to run for
life, times when she has to take the kids away from the home and never
bring them back. What if the pastor spoke about these things, not just
in pulpit, but in the wedding vows? What if a woman was allowed to vow
on her wedding:
unless you become a psychotic and deranged wife beater…then I vow to
leave your ass!
What if?
I tell you what if, I believe more women around the world will know
that they can leave marriages when it turns for the worse. And contrary
to the naysayers, it will not proliferate a mass binge of divorces
across the nation. It will actually make marriages better, because the
men know now that they have to step up and that their wives are not
going to be there regardless.
P.S Here is a 3mins video every couple should see it before they say yes I do 🙂
